Now Can We Order Him To Stay Away From Us?

The Germans love you David, stay with them.

And being German myself, I too can't help but remember some of his greatest work:

Well you can still hold my emotions
With just one little kiss
You can shake my world up
Just by being near me like this
If our bodies keep much closer
I don’t know what I’ll do
’cause I’ve been waiting for a lifetime
To be lying next to you

Something in your eyes just burns right through me
Something in your touch I need to know
Oh don’t you know

I wanna move move to the beat of your heart
I wanna rock with you rock with you deep in the dark
I wanna move move to the beat of your heart
Until the night burns night burns down to the ground

Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah yeah yeah

You’ve got to help me ease this pressure
That is building inside
You’ve got to help me feed this hunger
That’s driving me wild
I wanna wrap my arms around you
Feel the heat of the skin
Until the fever takes me under
And the passion takes me in

Something in your eyes just burns right through me
Something in my heart I just can’t fight
All through the night

I wanna move move to the beat of your heart
I wanna rock with you rock with you deep in the dark
I wanna move move to the beat of your heart
Until the night burns night burns down to the ground

Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah yeah yeah

I wanna move move to the beat of your heart
I wanna move move to the beat of your heart
To the beat of your heart
To the beat of your heart

Something in your eyes just burns right through me
Something in my heart I just can’t fight
All through the night

I wanna move move to the beat of your heart
I wanna rock with you rock with you deep in the dark
I wanna move move to the beat of your heart
Until the night burns night burns down to the ground

Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

I wanna move
I wanna move
I wanna move
I wanna move

I wanna move move to the beat of your heart
I wanna rock with you rock with you deep in the dark
I wanna move move to the beat of your heart
Until the night burns ...

No Ester, You're Way Off

Cyclone Larry:

Cyclone Larry???

Tough Titty!

Sorry kids, no pics of this one, gotta keep it family friendly. I wanna send a shout out to Dianna Chang a Naperville, Illinois native. Mad props babe, you make Momma real proud. I also want to send a shout to my boy Charles Ray Bunch, yo dog - a big yeah yeah for taking advantage of the young and corruptible! I also wanna send a shout out to Liquor, once again proving you can get anybody to do anything when there's another jagar bomb coming. I only hope that there was a camcorder so soon enough people will be sharing the joy across this wonderful wide web.

I'm Sorry, But This Room Is Clearly 67 Degrees. Good Day.

Conspicuously missing from the rider is freshly-squeezed baby's blood. Hmm.

Hey, did you guys hear he shot some dude?

Where in the HELL is that kangaroo?

Just read the first paragraph and try to figure out this mystery.

Come Australia, who do you have working on this case, Jacques Clouseau?

tc

I Think We Missed The True Crime Here

Not saying that the murder of a person is OK, but I think what he is doing to his hair and subjecting to the general public is just as bad.

Wall of Sound meet the Wall of Hair

Good Clean Fun

Two potential quotes from Mr. Culpepper:

"There's no way I could have committed lewd and lascivious acts, because I was clearly gambling illegally, you silly goose."

"This whole sting was a product of crooked cops clinging to crude racial stereotypes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some CRAPS to shoot."

I Guess This Guy Had Something To Say...

Not really a funny note, but you have to give the guy credit for taking a point as far as he possibly could.

Mmmmm, You Can Really Taste The VD

You may be asking yourself, is that a subtle taste of Chlamydia that I'm tasting? No, no, no, that's um... ummm... I think it's syphilis, yeah, it's syphilis.

I for one can't wait to try some, but do note, I will be drinking out of a rubber cup.

HAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHAHAHAHAH

I need a drink

One from the, "Nothing better to do!", file

Look, I know this kid looks funny and really can't sing that well. HOWEVER, what these people are doing will screw his life up FOREVER! They'll turn him into exactly what they hate.

So who is the real victim here? ME, that's who! I don't like this kid and he shouldn't win. I do, however, hate these "should have been killed with a coat hanger" ass-bags that are pulling this stunt, more. That being said, what am I/we to do????? Let's hope it works, let's hope that he wins and let's hope he puts out an album of Engelbert Humperdinck cover tunes that sucks like a twenty dollar crack whore.

Good luck Kevin, I'm pulling for ya' buddy!

tc

Hank's Hanky Panky Not So Swanky (sorry, that was stupid)

Hmmmmm, innocent until proven guilty I know, but why would people be attacking Hank Williams? I think we have a case of a wild Hank on the road and he's hitting the bottle "Eddie Style."

"I am shocked at such allegations," Webster said in a statement. "Hank Jr. has had to defend himself once already in Memphis last Friday from erroneous allegations, and now this."

On Friday Williams held a news conference to dispel rumors started by an anonymous caller on a radio talk show that he had asked for only white personnel to attend to his daughters.

Remember when life was this simple and innocent...

Three random things:

1. Nice "Fuck Off" T-Shirt.
2. Is it legal for a 20 year old to date a 13 year old?
3. How crushed must she have been to find out that Rob Halford would not want her to "jump his bones"?

If You Have a Match.com Account, CANCEL NOW!

Believe it or not, I think she is a very talented comedy writer, but that's where I draw the line

But What About the Dog?

Here is another case where the media/news outlets missed the whole story and used this as another vehicle against the Bush administration.

Sources close to the story have just learned that it was in fact the Dog which will go by the name of "Rex" for security purposes. Apparently Rex had the same powers seen in the "Son of Sam" case back in the 70's. Rex was the mastermind of not only the dog torture, but also all the incidents at Abu Ghraib and Gitmo! "This dog has his paws wet in all of the nasty that is found in Iraq and the war on terrorism." said Dick Cheney. "At times, we couldn't control him, it was like a really bad dog, BAD DOG!" - Condi Rice.

I think we owe a big apology to Rumsfeld and team for the outstanding work they are doing and for god sake, that dog better not walk on my lawn!

Incidentally, the "son of Sam" actually has a website. Looks like he turned himself into a good robot. Where's your Messiah now?

http://www.forgivenforlife.com/

Helloooo Mr. Wilson!

What are you supposed to do when the lil' scamp keeps buggin ya?

I guess someone heard him yell "Cazzata Melenga!" before he fired.

This Is My Formal Request

Ester, we need to see this movie. I am putting together a blue ribbon committee to see that our plans are arranged and proper accommodations are prepared. The question that I have for everyone is this:

Should I read the book first and see the movie or the other way around?

One more thought people, don't worry, Larry's time is almost up. After this movie, I doubt we'll be seeing this guy any time soon. Stay strong!

Please, NO MORE DICK

Dear Andy,

I thought that you would have learned from your appearance in Pauly Shore Is Dead that a one trick pony has one trick only.